It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
