sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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