From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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