We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
