It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
