Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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