I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
