If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
