remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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