oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Randomize
