She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Randomize
