I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
we're making bets on your personal life
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
