how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
