You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Everclear isn't food dammit
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
