if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. š
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Iād clean the kitchen before making food. Mark ārang in the New Yearā with some rando in there last night
Randomize
