States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
