Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
