Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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