theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
