when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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