Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
