I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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