Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
