I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
It was like getting head from an anaconda
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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