We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
