Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
