I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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