Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
