cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
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