I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
