i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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