i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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