so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
