ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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