he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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