Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
