It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Randomize
