How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Randomize
