Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
