That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
