If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
