last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
