Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
The uberlube is also flammable
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
