then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
