If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Randomize
