i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
