someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
