His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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