I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
