shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
