she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
